


Under the Turn of the Blood Moon

by Atanih88



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M, youkai!Sanzo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-09
Updated: 2011-10-09
Packaged: 2017-10-24 10:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atanih88/pseuds/Atanih88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ikkou undergo a drastic change in their dynamic that leaves Goku struggling to keep his beliefs together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the Turn of the Blood Moon

**Author's Note:**

> God, I can't apologise enough for how incredibly late this is. I owe a million apologies for how long this took, especially as this is a fic. I'm so sorry; I hope you still manage to somehow enjoy this for what it's worth. Any and all mistakes are my own so please feel free to point them out.

Goku kisses Sanzo under the Blood Moon.

~

Sweat runs down Goku's back, drips into his eyes. The muscles of his legs feel corded tight from exhaustion. Despite that, despite the way his knuckles feel scraped raw and rusted into place, he doesn't ease his grip on Nyoi-bo.

He steps over the next body and from the corner of his eye sees that Hakkai and Gojyo are doing the same.

It feels as if they've been making their way through the labyrinth for a long time. Apart from the odd youkai still twitching on the floor, all the youkai they've passed, all these bodies on the floor that he's stepping over; it wasn't any of them that put them there. And that makes his grip tighten even more. He wants to put someone on the floor. He _wants_ to tear into someone and leave them in pieces. He sees the smudges of red, the spray patterns from where someone's jugular has been slit through. He sees bits of youkai entrails gleaming a black red from where they hang over the top of the walls making up this cave full of twists and turns that take them everywhere except to where Sanzo is.

Behind him Hakkai and Gojyo don't speak, they follow his lead and Goku knows he's walking around like a crazy person but he can't stop. Not even when he's running on empty, he's got to recharge. Two weeks to track down this place and another half a day figuring out how to get in here.

And they'd gone down, kept on going down even when the air turned hot and the natural light gave way to lit torches adorning the walls of a cave.

Goku had glimpsed it first as the end had finally come into sight. The path of the maze had looked so thin and for a moment he hadn't been sure they'd be able to make their way through. The light licked at the tops of the walls, a flickering orange red; the roof of the cave a yawning mouth of spiked stone untouched by the light of torches below.

When they'd finally reached the entrance to it, they'd found a pile of bodies crumpled over each other. There had been neat bullet holes smack bang in the middle of their foreheads, the flesh around it undisturbed—just a trickle and a smear of blood here and there.

Sanzo had always been an amazing shot.

The sight of those bodies had made Goku feel better. They'd continued on, walking into the maze with senses overstretched, trying to catch every little detail, every little sound or change in air current. They found more bodies. Instead of bullets though there'd been cut throats. Broken limbs. Insides that spilled out bright and shiny as pomegranate seeds from split stomachs.

What Goku focused on though was the vague half foot prints pressed into the floor and the trail of a ghostly hand along the wall; the blood thick and caked where the hand had pressed harder. And in his mind's eye he'd seen the staggered steps, an imagined attempt on Sanzo's part to keep himself upright and moving.

And now they've walked practically the entire thing and the anger is coiled tight in Goku's stomach and he's starting to regret the fact that any opponent close enough for them to kill, is already dead.

Goku follows along the curving line of the thick walls. He's stopped seeing the blood; it's all just background now. As long as it's not Sanzo's it's okay.

"Think this thing even has an ending?" Gojyo's voice came low; as if he were worried speaking any louder would get the dead to ease back up on broken limbs to crawl after them.

Goku hears Hakkai sigh but he doesn't stop to look back. His eyes skip over each body, searching for what he hopes he won't see lying in the middle of all of that gore.

"I'm assuming it does. Although I'd say we're deep enough underground that it could open up a long way away from where we entered." Hakkai sounds weary. "Of course," Hakkai continues, "if there isn't then I'm sure we'll enjoy making our way back."

"Shit. Should've left bread crumbs," Gojyo says, and his voice carries a jagged edge of forced humour. They've been on edge too long and there's no covering it up.

Goku breathes slow. He comes out of the turn and looks up at yet another long line of crumpled youkai bodies. He's lost count of how many they've found—

He stops. His breathing stutters and stops too, trapped in his lungs and straining against his ribs.

Someone crashes into him from behind. "Wha—monkey, what the—" That's Gojyo, snapping into anger, the switch flipped, finally breaking under the strain of the last few weeks.

"Gojyo." Hakkai, quiet and grounding.

Goku doesn't hear it. His eyes are wide, so wide he can feel the sting of air against them because he can't blink away even.

It's far away still, but he can make it out. He can make out the end of the labyrinth. He can see the eerie blue glow of the water lighting everything up that lies close to it.

Sanzo. His face turned away from them, the dark gold of his hair too long and resting against the dirty ground. His robes, even from where Goku stands, are stained and torn, a mix of brown and red and smaller things he can't see from this far away.

But the air is jarring, burning in his lungs and Nyoi-bo is gone. Hakkai and Gojyo call to him, voices dragging him back to reality and Goku realises he's running. He's tripping over the bodies in his way, feet stomping down on, things snapping and grinding under his heels. He slips on something too soft, almost falls flat on his face but regains his balance and keeps going. He keeps going and only slows when he nears the end of the labyrinth.

He hears the others catching up behind him even as he makes his way towards the prone body lying under the pale light of the pool.

Sanzo doesn't move, doesn't so much as twitch as Goku approaches. One of his hands is outstretched and Goku sees the fingers of it are submerged in the water. The sleeve of his robe is a dark colour, soaked past the elbow.

"Sanzo." Goku blinks at the sound of his own voice, glances down instinctively at himself, almost expecting to see someone else. His voice didn't make it much above a rasp and Goku clears his throat and tries again, this time falling to his knees beside Sanzo and reaching out to touch. "Sanzo?"

Sanzo smells of blood. And his scent, it's there but different, almost like the blood has soaked in and blanketed him completely.

When Sanzo doesn't move Goku its like Goku's chest tightens, painful. His throat is closed up. He keeps swallowing, trying to dampen it, trying to stay functional even as he touches a hand to the small of Sanzo's back. There's no warmth, no nothing. And he chokes. "Sanzo." His fingers catch the material of Sanzo's robes and fist it before he just leans forward, wrapping an arm around Sanzo and grabbing his shoulder with the other one. He turns him around, drags him into his lap before he even gets a proper look at Sanzo's face.

It's hard to scare Goku; hard to make it feel like he'll never find his way out of something to the point where cold sweat starts building on his skin. Hardly anything scares him like that anymore.

Except Sanzo not moving, not turning to look at him or yell at him, scares him.

He hears Gojyo's hushed, " _Shit_ , Hakkai." But he's not able to interpret Hakkai's lack of response. Not until he sweeps a hand up Sanzo's throat, ignores the coarseness of dried blood and the stickiness of the blood that hasn't quite dried yet. It coats his fingers as they travel up and thumb over the curve of Sanzo's ear.

There's something different and that's what makes Goku stop. And Goku looks down.

And he's finally staring at Sanzo's face.

Sanzo's eyes are closed and his face is an unnatural pale. There are red brown smears across his cheek and his lips are dry and split. He lies limp in Goku's arm, dead weight pinning Goku's legs to the floor where he lies across them. And right where his shoulder curves into the line of his neck, there's a mess of marred flesh and blood, like he's been mauled by a rabid dog. And although that has Goku's hand shaking where they hold Sanzo, it's the pointed ears that grab his attention, the way they slip past Sanzo's hair. They're long and tucked close like they had been before, except that now they keep going on until they taper to a fine point. Goku swallows.

"Hakkai." That's all he can say and his voice trembles and threatens to crack on his friend's name. "Hakkai—he's—Sanzo's—" his eyes travel the length of Sanzo's body, looking for more. They lock on Sanzo's hands, the dirty skin that looks like it'll never be clean no matter how much they try to scrub it clean afterwards. And the nails there are inhuman. They're long enough to claw through the other side of someone's throat.

The warm weight of a hand closes over Goku's shoulder and Goku finally looks up.

Hakkai's eyes are dark and his mouth is tight at the corners. Goku feels like he hasn't looked at him in a long time and wonders how long it's been since they entered the cage. He doesn't think he's looked at either Hakkai or Gojyo since. Gojyo is standing beside Hakkai, eyes on Sanzo's face, face twisted as if he's in pain.

"I know." Hakkai sounds shaken, like of all the things he had expected seeing, this was not one of them. "I know Goku. We have to—"

Then Gojyo is shooting forward. " _Goku!_ " His hand grabs for Goku's other shoulder even as Goku feels Hakkai yanking him back.

He glances down long enough to catch a glimpse of familiar purple eyes, except they're feverish, pupils slitted and he feels the red fire split across his chest as he falls backwards, not even able to gasp around the feeling of those nails stabbing deep and tearing at his insides.

Gojyo lets him go and Goku sees him launching himself at Sanzo, pinning Sanzo down with a curse, throwing wild looks over his shoulder and shouting Goku's name.

Goku blinks, the action taking on such a slow feel that he's confused. Hakkai's face is above his and there's fear spread across his features. That's rare. Hakkai never shows his feelings this clearly.

But Goku's tired. And they've found Sanzo.

They've found Sanzo.

~

The bed sinks under Goku's weight as he kneels at the end of the bed.

Sanzo's sitting up and leaning against the wall. He's reaching for the packet of cigarettes on the bedside table. The sounds of rowdy late night customers downstairs, floats up through the floor boards. Gojyo is probably still down there.

Goku's hands rest on his thighs, fists clenched tight. "Why not?" Goku asks. His voice comes out low and hoarse and he has to resist trying to clear his throat.

He knows Sanzo can see the erection tenting his shorts. Just that one small touch that Sanzo had briefly allowed—more out of shock, Goku realises—has affected him quicker than anything ever has.

Goku wants to touch his again; he wants it so bad that his nails dig into the muscle of his thighs just to keep from reaching out and trying to touch again.

The rejection hurts.

His cheeks feel like they're burning up, the embarrassment crawling up his throat. But then Sanzo drops his hand back without the cigarettes. He turns and looks at Goku. They watch each other, neither saying anything. And then Sanzo is looking away, scooting to the edge of the bed and touching his bare feet to the floor. He reaches for his undershirt. The moon light filtering in from outside touches on his back, oddly warm as it lies over Sanzo's back. Goku curls his fingers tighter. He wants to touch but he's not allowed to.

He can still feel the lingering warmth of Sanzo's mouth on his lips but its fading fast and Goku wishes it could've lasted for longer, wishes Sanzo could've let him taste a little longer.

He wishes Sanzo hadn't pushed him away and said no.

He watches the muscles of Sanzo's back flex as he tugs the shirt on, the black material covering the stretch of back inch by inch. Sanzo takes a moment to grab up the pack of Malboro reds. He flicks one more look at Goku. The corners of his mouth twitch down. His thumb is rubbing over little box he's clenching in his hand.

"Get some sleep." Then he walks to the door.

The laughter from downstairs becomes louder for a second, the light from the hallway spilling too bright on the floor of the room. Sanzo pulls the door closed behind him, taking the sound with it.

~

The next morning, Sanzo is gone.

~

Goku rubs a careful hand over the bandages on his chest as he walks into the kitchen. In the week since they settled down, the scars across his chest had closed okay but despite that, the wounds were still tender and Hakkai refused to let him move around much.

They'd been lucky. There had been a temple not too far from where they'd found Sanzo and they'd practically forced them into staying. Goku doesn't remember much about the journey back. He has hazy images; clinging to Hakkai as they made their way back through the maze, Gojyo up ahead carrying an unconscious Sanzo. The heavy red smell of the blood all around him.

Hakkai turns around from where he's standing at the stove. He looks tired, the skin beneath his eyes soft and dark. He still gives Goku a small smile and lights up the stove beneath the kettle he had just settled on it.

"Good morning Goku." Hakkai turns to the counter. There's already a plate waiting covered in cling film. He sets it on the little table by the open door leading out into the woodland. "I've already set some aside for you."

Grateful Goku smiles at him and makes his way over to the table. "Thanks Hakkai." He moves slow, more careful now than before. He knows Hakkai will get scary if he thinks Goku hasn't been following his instructions to take care.

Goku pulls a chair out, the legs scraping lightly over the square tiles of the kitchen floor. He sits down, chair creaking under his weight as he settles. He reaches for the plate, peeling the cling film off. He's already well aware of the gnawing in his stomach, it's readying itself to start grumbling away but before it can start Hakkai sets a fork down too and pulls out the chair opposite.

"Gojyo not up yet?" Goku says around the first forkful of eggs. He speaks slowly though. Last time he'd gotten food on the table, Hakkai had made him clean up.

Hakkai sighs. "Not yet. We're the only ones up at the moment."

Goku nods and shovels another forkful in his mouth.

"We moved Sanzo into a room today."

Goku pauses, the eggs suddenly losing their appeal. There's no taste to them all of a sudden. He sets his fork down and swallows, drops his hands into his lap and locks his fingers together. He looks out at trees he can glimpse through the open door way. He'd been surprised the first time he'd wandered out there. The trunks are white, as if someone's dusted them in sugar and the flowers are a soft pink that scatter their petals in the space around it.

Hakkai tilts his head to the side, trying to get a glimpse of Goku's face. "Goku?"

Goku drops his gaze to where his fingers are twisting together. "I thought you said it wasn't safe." And he makes himself look at Hakkai because he knows Hakkai won't lie to him, will finally be able to tell him if Sanzo will be okay.

Because Goku has been managing. He's been shoving food in his mouth and taking it easy, he's been joking around with Gojyo even if they both know it's more forced than anything. But he's not sleeping much. It's been too much of no Sanzo for him to be able to sleep and it's like he's back on Mount Gogyou again, sitting and waiting and still alone.

Hakkai nods slowly, gaze steady on Goku. "Fortunately Gojyo was able to procure the limiters yesterday. We put them on Sanzo and I managed to finish healing his wounds properly."

"Can I—can I go see him?"

Hakkai's face softens. "He doesn't want to see anyone right now."

And Goku knows that shouldn't hurt. He knows that because Sanzo's been through a lot—they don't even know how much yet—and Sanzo doesn't like being crowded either, but. It still hurts and Goku can't help the way his tongue feels too thick all of a sudden or the way his shoulders curl in tighter.

"He was exhausted Goku. Please wait a little longer? I know you're worried about him and it's not unfounded. But this is Sanzo. He will pull through." And despite the exhausted lines of Hakkai's face and the worry lurking there as he watches Goku, there's enough confidence in that statement for Goku to believe it.

He sags back in his chair. He feels drained finally, as if the last few days his body's been attached to strings and he's been walked around by someone else.

Hakkai pats his shoulder and stands up, his steps quiet as he moves back over to the counter and begins setting out cups for tea. Although the kettle isn't boiling yet, the scent of Jasmine is thickening in the air and Goku breathes it in, finds it soothing. Sanzo likes Jasmine tea too.

"Hey, Hakkai?" He picks his fork back up, thumb running along the length of it, fingerprint smudging over the gleam of the metal.

"Yes?"

"Does he know?"

He senses, rather than hears, how Hakkai stills behind him. "He was aware of everything after we put on his limiters."

Goku picks up his fork, nudges at the food in his plate.

"Yeah."

~

The rest of that week, Sanzo doesn't see anyone but Hakkai and every time Hakkai leaves Sanzo's room, he looks haggard, white faced and weary. Gojyo is like a caged animal, never still. He either always has a cigarette in his mouth or a beer in his hand. He aggravates the monks and sometimes ventures into the smaller village nearby but he always comes back before the night is done, always wound that extra bit tighter on his return, than he had been when he left.

For Goku's part his chest heals slowly. Hakkai's energies going into the time he spends in Sanzo's room. But there's only so much sitting around Goku can do. The more time he spends inside the temple, the less sleep he gets. He can sense Sanzo's presence like a second skin, the awareness a palpable thing that's always with him and it leaves him feeling drained in a way battles never do. The fact that Sanzo still refuses to see anyone apart from Hakkai (possibly he doesn't want to see Hakkai either, but Hakkai is just someone you don't say no to), has Goku on edge more than anything.

So he gets out, urges Hakkai to send him on errands to the village, picking up groceries and sometimes hanging around to play with the locals. Sometimes though he just takes Hakuryuu with him and goes outside into the white space of the woods.

He lies on the ground, eyes fixed on the sky for so long he starts to see sun spots, red, purple, green that burst into yellow, until eventually it starts to hurt and he has to close his eyes to make it stop. Hakuryuu likes to curl up beside him, purring in his sleep.

On the seventh day of Sanzo being moved to a room in the temple, Goku is sitting outside with Hakuryuu in his lap. He's peeling oranges, keeping an eye on the door to make sure Hakkai doesn't catch him feeding Hakuryuu the orange peels.

Hakuryuu's wings beat softly at the air as it nips at another peel that Goku is holding between thumb and forefinger. Goku smiles at him, pops a piece of the orange into his mouth, the juice sweet and tart as it slips over his tongue.

The sun is still in hiding, as it has been all week. The clouds are thick and as Goku glances up at them, he thinks they might taste just like cotton candy. It'd be just like the heavens to create something else he could love and not let him have it.

He's still watching the sky and he's laughing a little. Hakuryuu's sharp little teeth graze over the pad of his finger as Hakuryuu tries to get at the rest of the peel when a movement in one of the windows of the temple catches his eye. He focuses quickly on it. His heart skips a beat in his chest when he glimpses the familiar golden hair.

Goku sits up fast; startling Hakuryuu with the suddenness of the movement and making him fly back with an irritated chirp. But even though he waits, holding his breath despite the way it makes his chest hurt, Goku doesn't see anything else.

Hakuryuu flies back over, settling on Goku's shoulder and Goku reaches up an absentminded hand to pet him, refusing to look away.

He looks away only when Gojyo leans out the doorway and calls for him to come in for lunch.

Goku stands up, Hakuryuu flying up to settle down on Goku's head.

He wonders if it really was Sanzo and how long Sanzo had stood there watching him with Hakuryuu.

He wonders how long Sanzo will keep him waiting.

He steps inside and into the warmth of the kitchen. When he sits down at the table and Gojyo nudges him with a booted foot to ask if he's okay, he shoves Gojyo back and tells him everything is fine.

~

It's one of those dreams that feel like half formed memories.

Goku is never able to make them out completely.

The people in them are familiar to him. They remind him of the way Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai feel to him. But he doesn't think it's them. He's not sure.

He knows it's one of those dreams because his body feels smaller. He's kneeling on the ground, a great pair of doors shutting slowly, so slowly, on the hand reaching out to him. He sees a blood stained smile and eyes the colour of violas. And the colour hits him hard, a punch to the gut that has him doubling over, grief washing over him in a pulse of power that feels familiar. And those eyes—the same colour as Sanzo's flare brighter in his mind's eye, tangled up so badly with the grief that when Goku comes to he's breathing hard, a fisted hand pressing to the still sensitive skin of his chest.

He stares up at the ceiling, unseeing.

Outside he hears the wind chimes, melody soft and dancing to the wind's song. After a few seconds it soothes him and grounds him. Gojyo's soft snores filter in and Goku struggles in the tangle of sheets, getting his elbows under him and propelling himself up to glance over at the other bed. Gojyo is spread out arms and legs thrown out and the pillow on the floor. His mouth is wide open and for a moment Goku feels a touch of amusement. It tugs at the corners of his mouth before the feelings that followed him out of the dream make themselves known again and the amusement fades.

Goku hitches himself higher up on the bed and swings his feet over the edge.

The floorboards creak under his feet when he touches down. He pulls at the sheets covering his thighs and draws them up and over his back where the goose-bumps are rippling to life over his skin. The windows are open to keep the heat from getting too much but now the night air has turned chill. He feels it settling in quick, especially in the joints of his knees and his elbows.

The sheet brushes the floor as he pulls the edges of the sheets together at his chest and gets up from the bed, treading quietly as he walks to the door

He slips out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind him. The length of it is covered in black. The lights here are few and far between and the building is silent, everyone retired for the night.

The floor is cold beneath his feet, icy and Goku glances down, arching his toes away from the floor to keep the temperature from soaking into his skin. The sheet trails behind him, a soft swish of fabric as he walks on. By this time Hakkai should be back in his own room too.

Despite the sheet he's got draped around himself the goose-bumps cover his arms and back. But he doesn't turn back though, keeps going until he reaches the door right at the end that hasn't been entered by anyone other than Hakkai. Goku stops in front of it.

There's no light escaping through the small gap beneath the door, no noise coming from the inside of the room. There's only the distant sound of wind chimes outside, soft and bouncing gently off the walls, fading away only to return with a playful push from the wind. The outside air has slipped into the temple, so much open space keeping it one with the surroundings.

Goku tilts his head back and breathes it in. There's the earthy damp scent of oncoming rain.

He looks back at the door, reaches out an absent hand, scraping a fingernail over an uneven bit of wood.

"Hey, Sanzo. I think it's gonna rain soon." He leans closer to the door, trying to get under the scent of the rain, catch something of Sanzo beneath that. He presses his forehead to the door, let's his eyes close because his eyelids feel heavy. "Hakkai's gonna be pissy for a while. He doesn't like the rain, remember?"

There's still no sound from inside the room.

"Sanzo? You awake?"

Nothing.

Goku opens his eyes, blinks at the blurred lines of the door before turning around. He stares down at his feet for a moment, his toes arched off the floor to keep from touching completely against the ground.

And then he sinks down, pulling the sheet tighter around his shoulders and leaning back against the door. It's weird. Right now he's so close to Sanzo but it's as if he can't sense his presence at all.

He tucks his knees close to his chest and rests his head against them, the diadem pressing warm and hard into the bones of them. He lets his eyes close again.

That's where he falls asleep.

~

There's a graze on Hakkai's face when Goku makes it to the kitchen two days later.

Hakkai is standing over by the sink and Gojyo's pacing back and forth.

It's not just a simple graze; it's harsh, marring the skin of Hakkai's right cheek in a rosette colour where blood had been drawn in the thinnest of lines. The area around it looks mildly swollen. He's watching Gojyo with a blank face. Gojyo's shoulders are hunched together and the cigarette he has between his fingers is lit. Which means whatever it is, it's bad enough that Hakkai is letting Gojyo smoke inside the temple.

"What's going on?" Goku asks. He lifts a hand, scratches at the light itch of the wounds which have been closing up nicely. They're becoming raised pink lines of nerveless flesh on his chest now. Sensitive but not really signalling any specific type of sensation.

Hakkai straightens and looks over at Goku, the blank expression sliding off his face to be replaced by something else. His mouth tightens at the corners and his eyes soften at the corner. Gojyo stops pacing with his back to Goku, the tension stays on him, keeping all his muscles tightly corded.

"Goku."

Goku swallows, eyes flicking from him to Gojyo and back again. "What happened to your face Hakkai?"

Gojyo walks over to the door, opens it and leans up against the door frame. He still hasn't turned around to look at either Goku or Hakkai. The smell of rain wafts in.

It's been raining since the morning Goku had woken up to Hakkai's gentle hand on his shoulder, asking him to get some proper rest in bed. He'd still been sitting outside Sanzo's door. The whole time he'd been there, there hadn't been the slightest sound or movement from inside the room and it had left him feeling worse than when he'd gone there to begin with. It felt like he and Sanzo were in the same place, separated by nothing more than a thin film of plastic. But Goku couldn't slice through it because the film always held.

Gojyo snorts, the sound humourless. "That bastard monk did it."

Goku's eyes jump back to Hakkai's face. "Hakkai?"

Hakkai's aiming a glare at the back of Gojyo's head. "Goku," he says and turns back to look at him, "Sanzo has been. On edge."

"I thought you said the limiters worked." His mouth feels so dry and he thinks that even if he were to drink a gallon of water it wouldn't change. The taste under his tongue is familiar; it'd been there when he'd woken up to a room with no Sanzo, just a lingering taste on his mouth and no clue of where he'd gone. It'd been a cold and bitter taste right under his tongue that had almost made him gag.

Hakkai sighs. He reaches up and removes his monocle. He wipes it carefully with the tail of his shirt, wiping at the glass, movements practiced. "Yes the limiters worked. But that says nothing of his psychological state. It's clear that Sanzo has been through a similar experience, like that of Cho Gonou." His voice is expressionless now and over by the door Gojyo turns, letting his back rest against the open door instead of standing by the frame. He watches Hakkai quietly. "He's perfectly physically healthy. Some wounds are still healing but they'll be fine. It's the change Goku. Sanzo is no longer human." He lifts his eyes to Goku. "And he was a youkai without the protection that limiters can provide, for some time. And we don't know how long that was."

He knows what Hakkai is saying. He knows. But he really doesn't want to hear it. Sanzo is _Sanzo_. "Sanzo wouldn't," he says instead.

"Goku. The first thing Sanzo did upon waking was something dangerous. He harmed you. He didn't know who he was hurting. Granted, what he'd been through, my first thought was that he was just disorientated. But since then there have been little incidents, things that make me think he's not handling this well. We have to consider the possibility that perhaps the effects of the Minus Wave may have gotten a hold on him. And it may be too late to reverse."

Goku feels like someone's trying to squeeze the air out of his lungs and he's shaking his head, his hands fisted at his sides. His mouth is set, stubborn because he won't budge on this. "It's Sanzo," he says.

Gojyo leans his head back and lets out a hollow laugh, eyes on the ceiling as he shakes his head. "Man, at this point it sounds like if those limiters are taken off then that's it. We're screwed. You get that?"

Hakkai doesn't look away from Goku. "Gojyo," his voice is quiet, calm, but the admonishment is there, "I think you should perhaps take yourself on a walk and calm down. This isn't helping the situation."

Gojyo grits his teeth and without saying anything else, walks out the door and into the rain.

Hakkai's shoulders sag and he leans back against the counter, lifting his hand to rub circles over his temple. "He didn't even take a jacket."

Goku can't care about that though. They're his friends and he's worried about them too. He knows they're tired and trying their best but he can't care about that right now.

"I'm not giving up," he says and then turns around and walks right back out of the kitchen. He hears Hakkai say his name again but he keeps going, making his way to Sanzo's room without a thought. In the background he hears the prayers start up. They drum like a tribal echo down the halls as he moves quickly, ignoring the pull on his wounds. Outside the rain thickens and by the time he makes it upstairs to where their rooms are situated, the air is a cool balm, the rain carried on it in a soft spray. His arms are coated in it when he reaches Sanzo's room. He shivers lightly with it. Why is the air always colder here?

Goku slams his closed fist on the door and the entire thing shakes with it. "Sanzo!" He shouts it. He doesn't care if he'll be reprimanded for it later. He can feel the fear blooming across his chest, making it feel like it's about to cave in on itself, doesn't want to have the taste of fear in his mouth like this.

"Please. Sanzo. Please?" He pounds the door, let's his head rest against it and hits it with his head too a couple of times, even when the diadem digs into his forehead, feeling like it's cutting the skin, Goku keeps on doing it. "Just—just come out and talk to me. Sanzo." He presses himself as close to the door as possible. He uncurls his fists, hands spreading over the wood. "Sanzo."

He slips down, tucking himself up close to the door. "I don't care that you're a youkai," he murmurs, "I don't care."

He doesn't remember falling asleep. He never remembers falling asleep when he's at Sanzo's side.

Goku doesn't wake up when the door slips open. He shifts and presses himself against the wood, trying to keep himself plastered to it even in sleep. He murmurs a little but doesn't come out of it, not even when two arms close around him and pull him up and a warm, familiar voice speaks.

"Always a pain in my ass."

~

As he comes out of sleep, Goku frowns.

He's in bed but it feels different to his own, warmer, familiar.

He turns his cheek into the pillow and spreads out a little more, enjoying the stretch of his thighs and calves, the satisfying strain along the line of his spine. It feels pretty good. The pillow does too and he buries his face in it, hands sliding up underneath it to clench it in his hands so he can bury his nose in it. It smells clean, of gun oil and something citrusy. It reminds him of how water tastes after it's been poured into a glass that had held orange juice before. It always has that lingering tell tale taste.

It smells like Sanzo.

Goku stills mid stretch and opens his eyes, coming out of sleep and unable to completely push away the disorientation that comes with it. His mind feels clouded and his eyes are still heavy, sleep trying to drag him back down and his body comfortable with the sheets wrapped around him smelling of Sanzo. He hasn't slept like this since before the night Sanzo disappeared.

He pushes past the lethargy though and rolls to kneel up in the middle of the bed, the sheets falling from his shoulders to pool around his waist.

This isn't his room.

The door is closed but Goku knows that's the door he's been on the other side of for the past few days. The one he's been outside of, trying to get Sanzo to come out.

It's a simple room with the exact same furnishings as the rooms that Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo have been using. There's a single bed, a chair by the window and chest. A small basin on top of it but nothing more than that. But now he has what he asked for, he's inside the room.

Except that now he's inside the room, there's no Sanzo here either.

Slowly, he moves from the bed, annoyed when sleep refuses to leave him completely and he's still rubbing at his eyes when he walks out. He heads straight to the kitchen where he knows Hakkai will be. It's where they've been spending most of their time. The temple has given them full run of the smaller kitchen and the back rooms that they usually reserve for passing travellers in need of help.

The sleep wears off quickly on his way down and by the end he's rushing, steps going from a slow dazed walk to steady, to quick, to a full blown run that has a monk glaring at him as he runs past him. He skids around a curve to get to the kitchen, bare feet slapping against the floor and he knows Hakkai will tell him off for it, that the inside of his chest is healing on its own now without the help of his chi but—

He throws open the door to the kitchen, startling Hakkai who is straightening up from setting out the food on the table. Gojyo looks up from where he's reclining on his chair, dangerously balancing it on the two back legs and arms tucked behind his head. There's a cigarette in his mouth and when he looks at Goku, a full blown grin bursts across his face.

"Well, look at that, monkey's looking all excited today Hakkai."

Hakkai looks down at the food, head tucking down but Goku sees his lips quirk up. "Yes, that was a more enthusiastic entrance compared to the ones we've been seeing..."

And Goku's breathing hard from the fast run and he's looking from one to the other. And he finally manages to choke it out.

"Sanzo. Where's Sanzo?"

Hakkai sets a plate of food on the table and Goku can smell the meat and it smells delicious and it's tugging at the hole in his stomach. It surprises him, the way his mouth waters. He hasn't felt this hungry in a while. "Well, he was—oh." Hakkai stops when he looks up, eyes fixing somewhere over Goku's shoulder. "Perhaps you should tell him, Sanzo."

The breath is stopping up in his throat. The awareness sweeps over him, leaving the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end and for a second that bitter taste is back under his tongue and he's frozen to the spot. Just like that time with the scorpion youkai in the desert.

Gojyo picks up his coffee and snorts into it and Goku turns around, feeling his heart, a hard and juddering beat, shaking his entire chest. He stares at the collar bones exposed by the open shirt, the familiar skin. The entire right side of the neck is covered in a mark that looks like a huge red bloom lay against the skin for a long time in order to leave its imprint there. It's the kind of mark that isn't going anywhere.

Then Goku looks up. And there's Sanzo.

His eyes are low lidded and focused on Goku. There's a newspaper tucked under his arm, a crushed looking Marlboros box in the hand of the same arm but he's looking right at Goku and. He's him. There are new lines on his face, at the corner of his eyes and Goku catches the gleam of the cuffs so like Hakkai's, clipped to his ear.

And in less than three seconds, Goku's back in that bed, wanting so badly to touch and knowing he can't. And it's warring with relief so strong he just wants to wrap himself around Sanzo soak him in. He drops his eyes and tries to swallow around the blockage in his throat. But that means he's staring at Sanzo's mouth. And he knows Sanzo's mouth is better than any food he's ever had and he licks his own lips and looks to the side, hand going up to rub at the back of his neck.

"Aww. Look at that Hakkai, master and pet reunited again. I'm getting all choked up here, man."

That sets things in emotion again because Sanzo's attention switches to Gojyo instead. "If you're still looking for that early death I can put you out of your misery."

And fuck. It feels like months since he's heard Sanzo's voice and Goku feels that relief warring with the beginnings of arousal low in his gut.

Then Sanzo does this peculiar thing, tilting his head to the side and his nose up into the air, giving it small quiet sniffs. And then he looks straight at Goku again, his eyes a vivid shade of purple as he watches Goku, unblinking. It just makes that ball of arousal tighten up, tensing Goku's stomach and he's wondering if this had happened that night, if everything would've been different. He doesn't quite understand what's happening but he's sure that right at that second, Sanzo knows exactly what's going on in his head.

Sanzo looks away, hair falling to shield his expression from Goku. Except that instead of walking a wide berth around Goku, he brushes right up against him as he walks past, his scent—stronger now and tinged with something different, the aura of Sanzo's power, different—and warmth imprinting itself on the skin of Goku's arm.

"Stop gaping like an idiot and sit down before your stomach starts growling."

Goku supposes that maybe Sanzo is still recovering because when Goku sits down and starts eating with the rest of them; his eyes don't leave Sanzo's face the whole time.  
Sanzo doesn't say anything about it.

~

Goku's facing the window, eyes on the sheets of rain coming down outside the window when the knock comes on the door.

He rolls onto his back, glancing over at Gojyo's bed. It's empty. But then night's like these, Gojyo usually spends keeping Hakkai company. It's always been that way.

Goku sighs and gets out of bed. When he opens the door, he finds Sanzo standing there just to the side of the door, waiting. He's in the same shirt he'd been wearing when he'd come into the kitchen later and although he's got his jeans on, like Goku, he's bare footed.

"Sanzo."

He flicks a look over Goku and then pushes away from the wall and starts back down in the direction of his room. "Let's go."

Goku blinks at Sanzo's back, not knowing what to make of it but when Sanzo pauses a few feet down and looks over his shoulder with a testy, "Well?" He steps out of the room, closing the door behind him and follows Sanzo all the way back to Sanzo's room.

He can see the cuffs on Sanzo's ears just peeking out from underneath Sanzo's hair. Sanzo leads in to his room. The lights are off and when Sanzo gets inside he doesn't bother to turn them on, leaving the room in shadows. Sanzo heads straight to bed.

"Shut the door."

Goku steps inside and closes it, still a bit confused about what's happening as he watches Sanzo get back into bed. He stands in front of the door at a loss as to what to do.

"Um. Sanzo?"

"Get in. I'm not gonna stay awake all night just because you can't shut up."

Goku stares at him. "But I didn't—"

He cuts off when Sanzo glares over at him and nods quickly.

He can't help feeling a little happy about this. He gets to be close to Sanzo and that's always a good thing so he doesn't waste much time getting in. Despite the rain, it's too warm for covers so he gets in the free side and after a moment's hesitation fits himself to Sanzo's back.

Sanzo stills against him, back stiffening for a second but when he doesn't say anything, Goku stays where he is.

He listens to their breathing together. He's tired but he doesn't want to fall asleep just yet. Not when this is such an unusual thing. Instead he reaches up, fingers careful, to the mark on Sanzo's neck. He trails his fingers along the edge, eyes flicking from what he's doing to the curve of Sanzo's jaw that he can see. It tightens and Goku sees a muscle jump there, just by his jaw hinge. But again, Sanzo doesn't say anything so he reaches further up and thumbs over the cuffs there.

Sanzo lets him, just lets him. Goku tucks himself in closer, feeling the vertebrae of Sanzo's spine pressing against his chest. Sanzo's warmth is sinking into him and Goku swallows and wraps an arm around Sanzo's waist, breathing slow and careful, expecting to be shoved back at any time. He presses his nose to Sanzo's shoulder blades and let's his eyes close then.

"Hey, Sanzo. You smell different," he murmurs, "s'nice." He tightens his arm around him.  
"Shut up."

"Hey. Sanzo?"

"What?" This time there's annoyance.

Goku props himself up on an elbow and looks down at Sanzo who has his eyes closed. After a few seconds Sanzo opens his eyes, cutting a sideways glare at him. But Goku just takes a deep breath and goes for it again—just a quick one—that's all he needs and then he'll settle down. Sanzo can even punch him for it if he wants.

He leans in until Sanzo's hair tickles his nose, his cheek, and that watered down citrus scent fills him. All the while Sanzo's eyes stay on him, the colour softened by the darkness but as sharp as always. And Goku presses a kiss, just a small one to the corner of his mouth. His own eyes flutter closed at the softness of lips and skin under his mouth, the hint of dampness where his mouth catches on the inside of Sanzo's lip when Sanzo breathes in.

Then he pulls away, lips clinging just a little because there's a liquid warmth in his stomach and he doesn't want it to go away. He's heady with it.

And Sanzo's still watching him.

Goku holds his eyes and gives him a tentative smile. "G'night Sanzo." He settles back, tucking himself in close again.

He doesn't hear when Sanzo's breathing evens out.

~

They leave the temple for the first time to take a trip down to the local bar. It's been a while and it's weird because in a way it feels the same as always, as if they haven't just undergone yet another larger than life transformation.

The bar is rowdy and full of scents, smoke, beer, spices exclusive only to the west dancing in the air as the waitress sidles from table to table, dropping off bread baskets, filling in beer orders and smacking away the hands of those more than a little under the influence already.

They sit at a table tucked at the back of the place, Hakuryuu tucked close to Hakkai and eyeing the busy bar with suspicious eyes.

For Goku's part he's digging in into all the plates surrounding his section of the table, can barely get enough in his mouth because it's amazing. Gojyo is making eyes at the woman two tables over who's flashing him some leg and Hakkai is thanking the waitress as she drops off another round of beer. Sanzo is frowning at the noise around them and eating his food. There's no obvious difference in him apart from the cuffs and the bloom of red on his neck, and even that's partially covered by the high collar of his undershirt.

Sanzo is flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette onto the poor excuse for an ashtray in the middle of the table when he speaks.

"The Seiten Kyoumon is at Houto Castle."

Goku pauses in his eating, cheeks bulging out. Gojyo stops trying to flirt with the woman across the room and Hakkai looks at Sanzo.

Sanzo picks up his beer and takes a gulp from it before setting it back down and taking another drag from his cigarette.

Hakkai gives a slow nod and reaches for his own drink, back straight and manners as perfect as usual as he picks up a napkin and holds it out towards Goku. Goku takes it from him as he swallows down the food with some difficulty. He ends up using both the napkin and the back of his other hand though which makes Hakkai wince before he turns to Sanzo.

"I'm assuming you came across this information during your... captivity."

Sanzo's eyes narrow and his mouth flattens.

Hakkai nods again, to himself almost and eases back in his seat. "Are you going to tell us who it was?" Hakkai asks, but when Sanzo does nothing more than frown down at his beer, he goes on. "Because I assume you didn't walk into a labyrinth of rabid youkai out of your own volition."

Sanzo snorts. "If you know already why don't you just spit it out?"

Hakkai smiles, slow and cold. "Because team work means sharing Sanzo, and I was rather hoping you would like to tell us yourself."

Gojyo leans closer, looking mildly irritated. "Tell us what? He knows who took him?"

Goku glances at Sanzo. Sanzo's tapping his thumb against the end of his cigarette in a quick beat, unaware of what he's doing or of the way the ash grows faster each time he does it.

"So Priest Ukoku Sanzo has made another appearance I take it." Hakkai finally says when Sanzo doesn't elaborate.

Sanzo shrugs.

Goku's grip tightens on the fork still in his hand. He feels the stir of something ugly beneath his skin, something that he only feels in the aftermath of Seiten Taisei. It's not something that he likes feeling, it's something that makes his fingers claw, wanting to feel skin tear beneath it.

He drops the fork and eases back in his chair, letting his hands curl loosely on top of his thighs.

"Dirty bastard," Gojyo throws a bunched up napkin on the table and leans back on his chair, throwing one arm back over it. His face is scrunched up, lines bunching on his forehead as he scowls at the food on the table. "What does he get from telling you that? What was the whole point of locking you there?"

Something flickers over Sanzo's expression but he smoothes it over before Goku can get a handle on what it could have been. "He likes playing games."

"Yeah, and I'd like it if he'd stop fucking with us. Looks like that won't be happening any time soon. Man, it's like Hazel all over again. Messing around with humans and youkai this way." Gojyo shakes his head, lays his hand on the table and narrows his eyes on Sanzo. "So, when we getting a little payback?"

Hakkai sighs. "I'm not entirely certain that we could take him on, Gojyo. We weren't anywhere near enough to stop him last time. Seeking this out ourselves could backfire."

"But we have to."

Silence falls over the table at Goku's outburst but he can't look at them just yet. He's staring at his hands so hard he's starting to see purple around the edges.

"We have to. He keeps getting away with it. What he did, to Gat, to Hazel—that Kami-sama guy. What he did to me. And now Sanzo." The dark is growing, like a stain spreading out and covering his lungs, locking around them like a parasite. "We have to."

Hakkai's leaning across the table, a calming hand reaching out to Goku's shoulder but before he can Sanzo speaks again.

"No. That's what he wants. It's why he told us about Houto Castle to begin with."

Goku's head snaps up and he stares at Sanzo, disbelief slackening his mouth. Sanzo's not even looking at him, he's drinking from his beer again, calm as anything.

"But—"

"No. We go when we're ready. And not for the reasons he wants us to go for."

Goku chokes down on the anger that surges so fast—so fast. Not Sanzo. He's not angry with Sanzo, or Hakkai, or Gojyo. But the helplessness he feels at being unable to keep that man from messing around with them, with his friends, its being given no outlet. His slams his fist on the table, shoving away from it. He can't look at Sanzo right then. Doesn't want him to see the ugliness on his face just then.

He leaves them at the table, ignoring Gojyo's shout asking him where he's going.

He feels Sanzo's eyes on him the entire way to the door, but he doesn't stop.

~

The skin on the back of his knuckles is torn. He's bleeding a bit but he doesn't care just then. Just keeps on counting his moves, putting himself through the paces, summoning Nyoi-bo now and then to change the rhythm of his moves.

His shirt is soaked through and his feet are covered in dirt.

The tree stands strong and he doesn't know how long he's been there. Just that when he'd walked out back to the woodlands behind the temple and settled on this tree, the sky had still been light, the blue of it vibrant under the light of the sun and now that's gone, replaced by oranges and reds and pinks that normally would make Goku think of his favourite foods of the same colour but don't do much right now.

His chest aches from the exertion and he's pretty sure he's hurt himself again although the newly healed skin shows nothing out of the ordinary, just the same swollen lines of skin that still itch. No, the ache is deeper than that and a voice in the back of his head knows he'll have to tell Hakkai about it and that that conversation won't be pretty.

The air dries the sweat on the back of his neck and he's working at the kinks on his left shoulder when he hears the soft whisper of steps on grass. He doesn't turn around, not even when he hears the scratch and hiss of a match being lit.

After a few seconds the familiar smell of that brand curls around him and he can't be annoyed when he finds that it calms him, even if just a little.

"Had enough yet?" Sanzo asks.

Goku shrugs, wipes the sweat that's filming his upper lip with the back of his hand. Then he kicks at the tree, a light bump of his foot against it. It's a sort of apology for kicking the shit out if earlier. It's been a great sport.

He's not planning on turning around really—but then Sanzo throws something at his head. It's hard and Goku hears water sloshing.

"Hey!" He spins around, glare in place already and rubbing at the sore spot. His foot knocks against the water bottle on the floor and sends it rolling away. He scowls up at Sanzo but as usual, after three seconds of doing it, that arched eyebrow of Sanzo's as he looks down at Goku, Goku can't keep it up.

He drops his hand back to his side and stoops to pick up the bottle, dropping down to his haunches and barely keeping his groan in check at the deep ache in his legs. "Thanks," he mumbles, unscrewing the cap and gulping down half the bottle in one go.

Sanzo's feet are in his line of view and Goku watches as they start in his direction, crushing the stalks of grass and flattening them. He stops in front of Goku, towering over him and blocking all the light.

Goku falls back, sitting down instead and looking up at him.

"You gonna stop being a brat?"

"M'not a brat," he says and glances away again, drinks down the second half of the bottle, puts the cap back on and sets it aside.

But Sanzo's dropping down to his level and reaching for his hand, turning it over to look at the back of it and Goku is looking at his face. Sanzo let's go and then meets his gaze.

"We're not going after Ukoku," Sanzo says.

"But—"

"It's affecting me."

Goku blinks.

"The Minus Wave." When he looks at Goku again, his gaze is hard.

Goku feels his heart slam in his chest and he reaches out, grabs for Sanzo's shoulder, pushing himself up to his knees. "Sanzo—"

Sanzo snorts, the sound soft and quiet. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

Goku takes his hand back, twists his fingers in the edge of his own t-shirt. "You can't take off your limiters."

Sanzo doesn't say anything.

"I thought—you know. You were never coming out," he says, "I didn't like that."

"Goku."

Lost in his own thoughts Goku looks up. "Huh?"

Sanzo reaches for him and plucks at Goku's t-shirt. "Off."

Goku blinks. "What?"

"Off."

"Oh. Um." Goku grips the edge of his t-shirt and tugs it up and off, let's it settle on his lap. He rubs a self conscious hand over one of his arms. They've seen each other butt naked more times than he can count but this feels—different. "Okay. So—oh, uh..."

He shivers, can't help it, when Sanzo runs the tips of his fingers along one of the scars across his chest, thumb rubbing at the nerveless skin. He curls his body inward, chin dropping as he tries to stay still for it. Then it clicks and he looks up at Sanzo, wrapping one hand around Sanzo's wrist.

"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt." He presses Sanzo's hand flat against his skin and bites his lip when a fingernail scrapes over his nipple. "Doesn't hurt," he murmurs again.

The hand that curves around the back of his neck takes him by surprise and when Sanzo leans forward and kisses him, Goku's frozen to the spot.

He's not given the chance to catch up either. The next thing he knows he's on his back, Sanzo holding himself up above him on both arms and staring down at him. There's nothing uncertain in his face.

Goku smiles up at him. He can't help it. It just steals over his face bright and big.

Sanzo shakes his head, mouth twitching up at the corners. "Tch." He leans back down and nips at Goku's bottom lip and when Goku opens his mouth, hands eager on Sanzo's hips, tugging him down on top of him, he opens up and feels the soft roughness of Sanzo's tongue rubbing against his. Sanzo tastes the same as his scent.

Goku moans into the kiss, the noise trapped in his throat and he forgets the stinging of his knuckles, the torn skin that's going to hurt so much later. He ignores the throb in his chest from where he's over done it because Sanzo's kissing him and touching him, hand splaying over Goku's hip and gripping him hard.

They stay like that for a while, Sanzo settling into the cradle of Goku's legs, a slow grind starting up before Goku even realises that that's what they're doing. And it's okay. It's all okay.

When they get to Hyouto Castle, this time, they're the ones that'll win.

He lets the nudge of other things, other thin wisps of memory, go away. He doesn't need them when Sanzo's right here with him.

They pull away when a loud wolf whistle rips through the air.

"Well, would you look at that. Now that's one way to get the monkey to behave. For a stuck up priest, man you sure know all the moves, Sanzo-sama."

Sanzo pulls away abruptly and Goku blinks up at him. His mouth feels swollen and he licks over them, sees Sanzo's eyes narrow on it before Sanzo pulls off completely and sits up, dragging Goku up with him.

Goku hears someone sigh. Hakkai. "Ah, isn't it nice when we all get along."

Sanzo's hand is still on his hip, but Goku doesn't think he notices. He looks around Sanzo to where Gojyo and Hakkai are standing just outside the kitchen door. Gojyo's holding a bottle and Hakkai has a neat stack of cups in his hand.

Sanzo's giving them both evil glares but they don't seem to mind much. They walk over to them.

Gojyo offers the bottle to Sanzo, a peace offering that gets him nothing more than an annoyed glare before Sanzo shifts to the side and sits next to Goku. The look he gives Goku has a hot slide of want running all the way from his spine and back down to his belly. He feels his cheeks burning up but can't keep the grin off his face.

He sees the small smile on Sanzo's face a second before he turns away.

"This is nice," Hakkai comments, glancing up at the sakura blossoms, "I don't think I've ever just sat and watched sakura blossoms."

Gojyo sprawls back, already pouring sake out. "Eh, I guess it's okay."

Sanzo plucks out a glass for himself. "Hn. Pointless."

"Now, now," Hakkai looks over at Goku and a real smile flits quickly over his face sharing the moment with him for that one split second, "why don't we just enjoy ourselves. I think we've earned it."

Goku scoots up until he's leaning back against one of the trees. He looks at the scene in front of him and feels like he's seen it before.

For a second he's tempted to root inside his head for it but then Sanzo leans back, planting his hand on the ground to support himself and it brushes against his ankle, yanking him firmly into the here and now.

When he glances up at the sky. There's no moon showing.

He can't see it but he feels like it's there.

He has a feeling the sky will never swallow the moon completely.

  
**The End**   



End file.
